


Cool Breeze

by caramelcat



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Chronic Pain, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Fluff, Getting Together, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, References to Depression, Scars, its jst mentioned, mostly talks of scars and old scar pain, not sure how in depth i'll go with the depression and stuff but its mentioned, talks of self-harm scars, theres no actual self-harm like done or rlly written about
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26316091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelcat/pseuds/caramelcat
Summary: Virgil has had his fair share of mental health troubles, and he hasn’t always had the best support in dealing with them. And when one doesn’t know how to really process them in a healthy way, it leads down to certain roads. Roads that can have long-lasting effects. Effects that can't always be easily hidden away. How do you deal with moving in with three other people (and maybe crushes) while having to keep your arms and legs covered all the time when you're around them?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	1. The Beginning

Virgil wishes so much that he had thought about this more instead of just “pinning it for later” with a repeated mantra of “ _ its fine its fine its fine _ ”. He’s highly doubting that statement now that he’s currently dealing with the  _ for later _ situation. The problem is that it's summer, which means it’s  _ hot,  _ and he’s wearing an almost all black jacket as if it were winter. Which it certainly is not, especially with the concerning look his friend is giving him.   
  
“Now, Virgil, I know you may be shy or something, but it’s important to keep cool, you know! I’m your friend; you don’t have to wear that all the time around me.” Patton says, smiling reassuringly.   
  
And Virgil wants to believe, to be free and take it off and feel any sort of cool breeze while they’re moving boxes from his car to the apartment. He’s sweating, Patton is sweating, the AC hasn’t fully kicked in and worked its magic in their new apartment together yet, and did he mention it’s  _ hot _ ? But he can’t. Because taking his jacket off means leaving his arms barren, thus exposing his “secret”.

You see, Virgil has had his fair share of mental health troubles, and he hasn’t always had the best support in dealing with them. And when one doesn’t know how to  _ really  _ process them in a healthy way, it leads down to roads he doesn’t really like to think about. Roads that can have long-lasting effects. Such as arms and legs covered in collections of scars. Crisscrossing, marring his pale skin with white raised lines, noticeable enough that he has to hide them with clothes. Pants are easy to wear year around; long sleeves, however, are not. Thus his current problem he had been avoiding.

Now in his twenties and attending college soon, he had been roped into moving with his friend Patton. Not that he doesn’t want to, he very much wants to live with Patton who he loves dearly (maybe a little too much, but again, pin it for later), but at home his family did not care much about his scars. Plus the fact that he barely left his room helped a lot. Patton is different, though, as he’ll care  _ so much _ . Too much for Virgil to handle. He doesn’t want him to look at him or treat him differently. He wants things to be as normal as possible.

And looking at Patton’s sweet, sweet face, round and dotted with freckles here and there, Virgil doesn’t think he can handle explaining why he felt he had to hurt himself just to get through the next day. 

Virgil musters up a smile, ignoring the sweat drop dripping down near his eye, “I’m fine, Patton. Let’s just finish moving all these boxes inside already.”

Patton gives him one last look but concedes anyway (Virgil breathes out a silent breath of relief), and they continue with their task.   


\---  
  


It’s nearing dinner time when they finish. Their apartment is a mess of various items and half opened boxes, but it’s done. For now, anyway, until the next morning where they’ll have to continue moving things and rearranging. A problem for Future Virgil though, as Current Virgil just wants to heat up some ramen and crash for 10 hours or more. He says as such to Patton, who is placing pots and pans in cupboards in the kitchen. Patton giggles, Virgil does  _ not  _ blush, and tells him goodnight as Virgil heads upstairs with a bowl in his hand.

First thing Virgil does is strip off his jacket, grimacing a little at the thought of all the sweat it’s probably absorbed by now.  _ Ew _ . He turns on some music, flops on his bed, and forks a little ramen in his mouth. Chewing, he begins thinking about the  _ other  _ roommates he’s gonna have to deal with, as well.

First there’s Logan, with his neat clothing and sharp mind. Logan and Patton have known each before Virgil met Patton. The two met in middle school; an odd pairing but one that worked nonetheless, as neither had any other friends until high school. High school where they met Virgil, and then Roman. Roman is the last to join the “FamILY” as Patton says, and he and Virgil have not always gotten along. Roman finds Virgil’s pessimistic nature annoying, a drag, etc, and Virgil likewise finds Roman’s never-ending optimism exhausting just to listen to. He doesn’t know how he does it. He briefly ponders if that’s how Roman feels too. Does he think Virgil is purposely trying to be exhausting with his constant what-ifs?

_ Whatever. Not my problem. _ He thinks as he sets his bowl on the ground and curls up. He’s too tired to worry about pajamas right now. He’s just going to close his eyes for a second, that’s all…

\---

Ah, fuck. It’s morning. Late morning guessing by how high the sun is already. He feels gross, knowing he must look and smell gross too. Virgil gets a flash of memory of countless nights spent laying in bed, feeling gross and unable to shower. He quickly decides to muster up whatever energy he has to shower, knowing it’ll make him feel better and stop his mind from the spiral it wants to go down. It’s hard to fight depressive thoughts and memories, and even worse when he’s low on energy. Which double sucks considering depression likes to give him almost no energy to begin with. A constant balance, a constant struggle. He tries to silence these thoughts under the spray of cool water. He puts on pajamas afterwards despite it being daylight because he figures he can get away with wearing a comfy-looking sweatshirt with no questions. It’s pajamas, after all; it shouldn't be weird if he’s wearing long sleeves, right?

“Moring, Pat.” he says after making his way to the kitchen.

Patton grins from his spot at the counter, “Good morning, Vee! Or should I say good afternoon? How did you sleep?”

“Fine.” he responds, grateful that his too tired mind hadn’t given him any bad dreams, “When are the others coming?”

“Ah! Well, Logan is on his way, said he’ll be here ‘approximately 2:30pm’.” (Virgil can’t help but think how it’s kinda cute how punctual Logan always strives to be.) “And Roman will get here some time today, probably. Who knows when. You know how he is.”

And yeah, Virgil does. He knows them all pretty well by now, and so do they of him. He can admit to himself that he loves them, despite all their annoyances and bickering; they all work together in a way he can’t really describe, which is why he ever actually considered moving in with them. It was Patton’s idea at first, close to the time of when they were graduating high school. Logan revealed he had been considering it as well, since they all had managed to get into the same college. It was a good, big one, in a bigger town than their hometown. Virgil guesses that Logan could have easily gotten into one of those fancier, harder ones, but willingly chose the same that the others were applying for. It warms something in Virgil’s chest when he thinks about this. Roman agreed readily, leaping before he thinks as per usual. Something Virgil secretly admires in him. With mostly Logan’s help, they managed to find a nice four bedroom apartment that they could all afford to evenly split the bill (including a yard “just in case we find a puppy, or something, guys? Just in case.” - Patton’s words). This now leads to where he is in the present.

Virgil gives a small smile, “Yeah, I do. I’ll be glad when they both get here.”

Patton returns his smile with a big one of his own. Virgil’s gay heart can only think about how cute his dimples are.

Did he mention that by the end of high school he might have managed to acquire a possible crush on all three of them? Yeah, he might be screwed.

“Let’s bake cookies for when they get here!” Patton says excitedly, bouncing up from his seat to scrounge around the boxes for ingredients.

Yeah, he’s totally screwed. 

\---

Logan arrives promptly at 2:31pm, Virgil is yet again impressed with how he’s able to schedule his time so well, and begins helping Logan move his own boxes. Logan doesn’t comment on Virgil’s signature hoodie, as he’s used to it by now and knows that questioning about it gets him nowhere (unlike Patton who likes to try here and there and “break Virgil out of his shell”; Virgil can’t be mad at Patton’s pure intentions). They all take a break once done, sitting in the cool living room. They don’t have a couch yet (Roman is supposed to be bringing one with the help of his twin), but they do have pillows and blankets. Not the comfiest, but they make do. Virgil spreads out on the floor, Patton joins him in a similar position close to him, and Logan sits straight backed on a folded blanket. He’s on his tablet doing whatever nerds do, mostly expressionless except for an occasional eyebrow raise or eye twitch. Logan gives off his own special kind of calming vibe, and Virgil finds a knot loosening in his chest at his presence here. He can always count on Logan to calm any situation. Level-headed Logan with his logical words and soothing voice. He didn’t realize how much just having Logan near him helps the constant anxiety stirring in his chest. He almost wants to cry. God, he must be more tired than he thought. He’s going to need several days of recovery after this. Another lovely side effect of depression and anxiety disorders; he tires quickly and needs a lot of time to get his energy and mood stabilized.  _ Ugh _ .

As if sensing the potential spiral Virgil is suddenly finding himself in, Logan looks up at him and gives him a small smile. A special Logan Smile. Virgil easily smiles back and closes his eyes. Yeah, he’s really glad Logan is here, finally.

\---

The three spend the afternoon peacefully; Virgil barely moves from his spot on the floor with his pillow. It’s easy to just lay and listen to the sounds of what’s around when his mind and body are tired and he’s got the grounding presence of two friends. At some point Patton had gotten up and moved next to Logan, leaning against him and watching whatever Logan was working on. Virgil doubts he really cares all that much of what’s going on, but more just wanted to cuddle with someone. Virgil can handle cuddling only sometimes, but Logan is more indifferent to it. Roman and Patton can’t get enough of it.

Speaking of Roman, Virgil is 99% sure he can hear the distinctive voice of a certain pair of twins bickering outside. He lazily opens his eyes and meets Logan’s, then glances at the front door. Logan nods in understanding. Logan turns off his tablet and says to Patton, “I believe Roman has arrived. Shall we help him?”

Patton springs up and lends a hand to Logan, who rolls his eyes but takes it anyway. The two make their way outside while Virgil takes a few seconds more to just lay down. There’s just something really good about laying on the ground, if he’s being honest.

\---

The sun is sinking down in the sky by the time the last of the four’s boxes have been moved into the new apartment. With the help of Roman and Remus (who is surprisingly strong despite his more wiry body compared to Roman’s), their living room now has a couch. Virgil figures this makes it official. Something about a new house having a couch makes it seem more real. He can tell there’s going to be plenty of movie nights spent on it. Virgil plops on it while Roman and Remus are having some sort of brotherly discussion or something (Virgil is an only child, how would he know?) in the kitchen while Patton’s offering the two the cookies they had made, and Logan’s organizing his own bedroom. The twins stay in the kitchen while Pat joins him on the couch, wordlessly offering him his own cookie. He takes it with an appreciative smile. It’s a moment of calm before Remus’ voice cuts through it as he makes his way to the door, “Alright, I’m off! The orgies can begin!”

Remus’ cackling can be heard all the way to the car as Roman lets out an affronted “Remus, I swear to God!”. Virgil groans and puts his face into his hands. Logan pops into the living room with a “What’s this I hear about orgies?”. He can only imagine how hard Patton must be blushing. Patton isn’t ignorant by any means, but he usually is pretty quiet about any sort of potential romance or sex related things. Virgil’s never pushed him about it.

“Let’s discuss dinner!” Pat says, coming out only slightly higher pitched than normal.

\---

They have a rather simple meal of spaghetti since it’s the easiest to make that creates a lot of servings. They decide to crowd on the couch together, all in various positions (Virgil on the arm rest, crisscrossed). Virgil wonders if they were craving closeness like he was. He may not be big on hugs or cuddles, but he liked being near them. In sight and easy to reach. Just in case.

It’s nearing 9pm now, and Virgil is really starting to feel the toll of all the sudden exercise he’s been doing. He can feel pain flaring up not only in his muscle but along the skin of his scars, mostly in his legs. A side effect he considers kind of not known or talked about. Damage is done by what causes the scars, and while they may seem healed fully, trauma to the skin or nerves happens. This leads to pain that comes and goes no matter how long it has been. Exercises seem to cause flare ups for Virgil, and now he’s really starting to feel it. He’s ready to strip and slather on his pain-relieving cream to his thighs. Maybe a heating pad, too, for his sore muscles. That sounds perfect, he decides. He’s sort of reluctant to break the peace the four have, but he’ll see them in morning. He’s ready to get out of this jacket anyway.

He stands up and throws his paper plate away (no one’s bothered to get the real plates out yet). He gives the other three a quick two finger wave and calls out a goodnight. He gets responses from each (“Sleep well, Virgil!” “Goodnight.” “Night, don’t stay up too late listening to your emo music. We gotta do more stuff tomorrow.”). Virgil gives them one last look, feeling a lightness in his chest that's soured by a sudden sharp pain, sobering him quickly. Right, he had a reason other than sleep for leaving. Here’s to hoping he can relieve the pain enough to actually sleep a decent amount.


	2. Roman

Foolish. He feels foolish. It’s 3am and he’s laying in bed, practically cradling his thigh in his hands. He hasn’t relapsed in months, and that continues tonight as well, but he’s still having to deal with  _ pain _ . Pain from scars that he wishes were gone. He just wants freedom. Freedom to wear shorts and a tank top and not have to worry about anyone seeing. He’s been out before in a shirt, just to a gas station once, and the people behind him had whispered about his scars. He can never catch a break, can he? Not in the daylight and apparently not in the nighttime now. He should’ve been quicker with applying the cream before the pain had really set in. Maybe he’s overdone it. He tries to space out what little exercising he does to avoid bad flare ups, but he couldn’t really do that with moving without some sort of explanation. Besides, even if he did tell them about the scars and explained the pain, would they understand? Or would they think he’s exaggerating or being sensitive? Who ever really talks about scars causing this much pain anyway? He’s feeling more frustrated as the minutes tick by. Virgil groans and gets up. He’s only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, but he doesn’t  _ care _ . He needs to get out of his room (which doesn’t feel like  _ his  _ yet, it’s new, it’s different, it doesn’t look or smell or  _ feel _ the same) and walk around a little.

He goes to one of the living room windows to look up at the sky. Everyone else seems to be in their own rooms, as expected, so he can feel some relief at that. The night sky is beautiful. It’s quiet and dark. He’s focusing on connecting stars to one another that he can see, an easy enough task for his overworked brain. Finally the ball of anxiety weighing down his chest breaks a little.

“Virgil?”

And now it hardens into harsh stone, encasing his lungs.  _ Fuck, who is awake right now _ ? Virgil whips around and finds Roman. His breath catches in his throat as he struggles out, “Roman? Why are you awake?”

“I could ask the same of you. Couldn’t sleep?” Roman starts to step closer to him.

“Wait!” Virgil calls out, without really thinking. He knows Roman probably can’t see any details, but if he were to get closer... Virgil is seriously starting to regret leaving his room. It’s like home all over again. Stuck hiding, his only safe space being in his room where he could be himself. Free. But trapped. He doesn’t even really have much of a “safe space” here. The feeling of wrongness from his room is swelling in his chest as he desperately wishes for somewhere to escape. Why can’t he just be  _ normal _ ? Why can’t he be as calm as everyone else here? Not freaking out because his room feels “wrong”. Not covered in ugly scars. Not currently having a  _ panic attack _ in front of Roman. Oh fuck, he’s totally having one right now. He’s frozen in his spot by the window and he can’t seem to really catch his breath. Has it always been this hard to breathe? Is he dying? He’s getting dizzier by the second and he just really wants to  _ lay down _ . On the ground. Safety on the ground. But he’s frozen, anxiety spreading ice through his veins and freezing his muscles.

Roman’s voice brings him from his thoughts, “Virgil? What do you need? I’m not… I don’t really know how to handle this kind of stuff…”

Virgil thinks for a second how odd it is to hear  _ Roman _ uncertain of himself. The thought scurries away as he looks to the ground.

“The ground.” He manages out. His throat already feels annoyingly dry.

“The ground?” Roman parrots back.

The bewilderment in his voice is enough to focus on to crack the ice and finally move. Virgil slowly curls into a ball on the floor.

“Okay… if that’s what helps, I guess.” Roman says as he goes to sit down on the ground.

Virgil notices he had actually stopped when he had called out. Virgil can feel a spark of warmth amongst the icy fear in his lungs. He doesn’t know how much time passes as they both stay in silence. Virgil focuses on the individual strands of carpet until his heartbeat slows to something rather normal. Now he’s left cold, sweaty, and even  _ more  _ exhausted, which he didn’t even know was possible at this time. And Roman, unsure but caring Roman, has been sitting there the whole time, just patiently waiting. He looks like he’s glowing in the early, early morning sky, the sun only just starting to peak. His tan skin and warm brown eyes are a comforting contrast to the cool darkness of night falling with morning rising.

“Are you okay?” Roman asks.

Virgil hesitates and responds with a yes.

Roman immediately gives him a look.

“Well, why ask if you’re not gonna believe me?” Virgil mumbles into the carpet.

“Maybe because you just had a major panic attack and are still laying face down on the floor.”

Virgil feels the urge to stick his tongue out at him. God, he really needs to get out of here and into bed before he does something stupid. Stupid like… stupid like _ reveal all his scars  _ to someone he would rather not know! His eyes widen unintentionally. It’s only getting brighter by the second.  _ Oh shit, oh shit… _

“What’s wrong now? Is it happening again? I can see how tense you are; don’t lie to me.”

“Nothing! No! I’m just tired.” Virgil definitely does  _ not  _ say all panicky.

“Right… and I totally believe that.” Virgil can practically hear the eye roll in his tone. “Look, I know we don’t always see eye to eye, but that’s something I kind of like about us. We challenge each other… Anyway, I just thought that you could, you know, tell me what’s bothering you. If you wanna. I know this is probably hard for you. It’s hard for all of us. Even me, yeah, I’m so excited to be here with you guys. But it’s still a big change. So it’s okay if you’re, like, more anxious, or something.”

Virgil is definitely not crying. Oh man, this is what happens when he’s around people and he’s all sleepy. His guard slips and he lets out more  _ emotions _ .

“And I could -  _ we _ could help and… Hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Roman scrambles over to Virgil.

Virgil tucks his arms and legs closer to his body and blubbers out, “It’s fine! I’m fine! Go away.” This night did not go as planned  _ at all _ . How is he going to get out of this?

“Virgil, please, I just want to help. I… like you a lot, you know? I…” Roman is hovering his hands over Virgil, waiting for permission to do  _ something _ .

“What? You… like me?” 

Roman jumps a little and blushes, “I mean, yeah! Like, you’re my friend and all, so…”

Virgil can’t stop the disappointed  _ oh  _ that escapes him.

Roman is silent for a moment and then, “And I mean, maybe. Maybe more too. And, okay, hey, let’s both open up, huh? A trade. I like you. Like-like. You, Patton,  _ and  _ Logan. I’m just that gay!” 

Virgil snorts at the last line and then his brain catches up and  _ oh shit _ . His face is suddenly feeling very warm. He glances up at Roman as he says, “Really?”

Roman meets his eyes. “Yes, I like you. I love your mismatched eyes, your voice, your jokes and humor. I love that you are so careful with your feelings but have opened up to us so much. It makes me feel special. You all make me feel so special.”

Virgil almost wants to hesitate; he briefly imagines doing something crazy like pushing Roman away and running to his room. Where would that lead him, though? Nowhere to go. Nowhere to really escape. Virgil surges up and bares his arms out.

He sees Roman’s eyes taking in his bare thighs and legs, “I’ve got scars. Lots. I’m sure you can guess why. I… they were hurting, bad. I couldn’t sleep. Then you found me. I  _ know  _ they’re ugly, okay? I didn’t want you guys to know, and…”

Roman takes one of his hands in his, tan against pale, and Roman is so warm. “No, they aren’t ugly. They show the bravery you’ve experienced. They’re signs of how much you’ve gone through and survived. I’m… sorry you felt that you had to hide this from me, from us.”

It’s such a Roman thing to say -  _ bravery  _ and  _ surviving -  _ that Virgil nearly wants to start crying again. Roman interrupts his thoughts before this happens.

“Also, I’m sort of experienced in, like, massaging scars?”

Virgil only responds with a confused look.

“Look, when you have someone like Remus as a brother, you’re bound to get used to dealing with wounds and such. He’s got a couple of big scars that bother him too. Massaging them helps. I could… do you want to try?”

Oh God, does he? He does. Virgil’s sleep deprived brain wants nothing more than to just curl up next to someone warm and feel safe and loved. Virgil hesitates before wordlessly nodding.

Roman returns with a bright, bright smile. “Great! Let’s get off the floor first thought.”

Virgil smiles, but before standing alongside Roman, he says, “Also, um. Same. Me too. All of you.” He hopes Roman understands without him having to say more. He’s so tired of words.

Going by Roman’s smile turning into a full on grin, he guesses that’s a yes.

\---

Virgil’s in a hazy state of awareness. He’s on the edge of sleep but not quite; it’s tantalizing close. He didn’t start out immediately feeling this relaxed. It was awkward at the beginning. The two of them had been sitting on the couch while Virgil’s anxiety started kicking in and repeatedly calling him  _ stupid, stupid, stupid  _ for having agreed to it. But then Roman took both of his hands and said, “Trust me.” And Virgil did. He’s so glad he did.

Virgil has now managed to find himself stretched across the couch, his legs in Roman’s lap as he deeply massages them. He doesn’t know exactly how Roman got so good at this, but he’s  _ good _ . It’s so weird to go from not showing them at all to having someone touching them all in one night. The sensations took a moment to get used to, as the skin there experienced touch differently from unharmed skin, plus considering he had never had a massage of any kind until now. All around a new experience that he hopes he can repeat in the near future. He could get addicted to this. He feels as if his brain is drowning in molasses, slow but calm and sweet at the same time. Exhaustion has settled deep in his bones with the combination of physical and mental stress from moving, panic attacks, and poor sleep. He feels like he should be worrying about something, but what could he possibly be thinking about right now other than fully embracing sleep? It’s so close and nothing’s stopping him, except - the sound of a door opening. He rips open his eyes just in time to see Logan leaving his room and entering the bathroom, not having noticed either Roman or Virgil yet. Virgil sits up and Roman stops his massaging.

“What’s wrong?” Roman asks, concern clear in his voice.

“Nothing, just… Someone’s awake.” Virgil doesn’t meet his eyes, hoping he understands. He moves to stand up from the couch and go to his room, but is stopped when Roman’s hand grabs his wrist, gentle but firm.

“Virgil, I… I get not wanting to open up, okay? I think we probably all do to some degree. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide this from us. I-”

Virgil tenses and pleads, “You can’t tell anyone else, please. I’m-I’m not ready. I didn’t even wanna tell you, but…”

Roman lightly squeezes his wrist and says, “I won’t if you don’t want me to. But we should talk about the other stuff with the others. Now knowing that you also feel the same, I don’t know that I can hold it in for much longer. Promise me we’ll at least talk about that?”

Virgil nods. He’s sweating at the thought of it, but he doesn’t want to let Roman down. He’ll think on it more later when he can panic with no one seeing. He shakes the thought away and asks what has been in the back of his mind since the beginning of this whole night with Roman, “Can I ask… why  _ were _ you awake so late, Ro?”

Roman releases his wrist and ducks his head, “Ah, well. I was feeling homesick, I guess. New place, and all. But,” He looks up and meets Virgil’s eyes, “I feel at home now.”

Virgil can tell his eyes are glassy now (god his emotions have been all over the place this whole night) and he smiles in response, small but filled with the warmth he feels towards Roman. He lets another second pass before he fully turns away and walks quickly to his room just as the door to the bathroom is opening. He lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when he’s finally in his room with the door closed. He rests his back on it for a second just to breathe. He can faintly hear voices from where he had just been, though he’s unable to make out exact words. He briefly feels a flash of panic at the thought that Roman lied and is telling Logan all about what happened.

_ No. Roman wouldn’t do that. _ He tells himself as he makes his way to his bed.

The short-lived adrenaline is already wearing off and by now he can barely keep his eyes open. It’s most likely 6 or 7am, but he doesn’t care because all he can think about is  _ sleep _ . Curling underneath his weighted blanket, he feels a special sort of peace wash over him. He feels a little lighter than normal, something he can’t quite describe. Finally, his mind falls over the edge and into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first reveal ! :- Oc hope it was okay ! i rlly cant tell if this is coming out tht good hjdaf i havent written in a long while so im not very practiced lol but its been fun so far  
> thanks for readinggg


	3. Like A Bandaid

Virgil wakes up way too soon in his honest opinion. He knows it’s probably around noon and that everyone else is most likely awake, but  _ God  _ it feels as if he has gotten no sleep at all. His sleep schedule is totally fucked. He’ll deal with that later, for now… A few more seconds of sleep is all he needs…

Except the knocking at his door prevents this. It’s soft, as if worried about waking him, but he’s already up and decides not to leave the person hanging.

He calls out a “Yeah?”, rough from sleep. Ugh, gross morning voice.

His door opens to reveal Patton, wearing worn blue jeans and a soft grey shirt.

“Hey, good afternoon! I just wanted to see if you were awake. Ro said you were up late. You alright?” Patton’s smile matches the sun peeking through his curtains.

Everything about Patton is so bright, but soft and caring and warm. Virgil sits up, making sure his blanket was properly covering him.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired. Did you need something?”

“Not really! I just wanted to know if you would like to join us all for lunch. I think Logan is making BLTs.”

Virgil briefly considers saying no and crashing for the rest of the day. That would only lead to him being up all night and ruining his sleep schedule even more. Besides, he really wants to spend some quality time with them all. Even though they hadn’t been separated for long, he misses them. He figures the stress from all that’s been happening is making him crave comfort from his favorite people. Either that or he’s just totally whipped. Most likely a combination of the both, if he’s being honest with himself.

“Sure,” Virgil responds after a moment, “Just gimme a moment.”

Patton smiles again and says, “Okay! See you in a sec!” He leaves and shuts the door behind him after that.

Virgil sits in his bed for a couple minutes, just breathing. As much as he wants to see them all, he’s worried that things might be different between him and Roman. Weird or awkward or  _ something _ . Which is exactly what he was so afraid of in the first place. God, he’s really starting to regret last night. He shakes his head and stands. There’s no use in just sitting and thinking and worrying; that will get him nowhere except a one-way ticket to Panic Attack Town. He’s not sure he can handle another one so soon.

He puts on a sweatshirt and some sleep pants. All he cares about is being comfortable today. He’s taking a break from moving boxes for, like,  _ ever _ . He hopes the others are up for just a chill day. He guesses they probably all need it.

\---

Virgil can already smell the bacon by the time he makes his way to the kitchen. Logan is at the stove, dressed in a rare sight of just sweatpants and a simple shirt. Patton is sitting at the counter, chatting with Roman. Roman falters in what he was saying when he catches sight of Virgil, which makes him pause in entering the kitchen. Virgil can feel panic swelling in his chest. Please, he just wants one calm day; it’s all he’s asking for…

Then Roman smiles, one that reaches his eyes and lights up his whole face. Virgil breathes out a deep breath and sits on the stool next to Patton. He wishes his mind didn’t so easily assume the worst. He buries his head in his arms on the counter, but not before returning Roman’s gesture with a small one of his own. Patton pats his head and continues talking with Roman. Virgil doesn’t bother tuning into their conversation and just lets the sounds of it and Logan’s cooking float around him. A personal soundtrack to his life. He could get used to this.

He’s roused from his semi-slumber by a plate being put in front of him. An actual ceramic one this time, he notices. He mumbles a thanks to Logan before digging in. He doesn’t pay attention to the others’ conversation until he hears his name.

He startles a little and says, “What?” with his mouth only a  _ little _ full of food.

Roman’s “Gross.” is partially covered by Logan saying, “We were discussing what everyone wanted to do today.”

Virgil swallows before responding, “Oh, uh… I dunno. I was just gonna chill, if that’s okay. Take a break and all, you know?”

“That’s a good idea! I’m up for joining you in a Chill Day.” Patton turns to Roman. “Roman?”

Roman nods, then meets Virgil’s eyes unexpectedly. “Yes! But first, me and Virgil need to, uh… I need his help with something! In my room. Virgil?”

Roman doesn’t give him a chance to respond before he’s being dragged away from the counter (he’s lucky he was done with his lunch by then) and into Roman’s room.

“Yeah, real smooth there, Prince.” Virgil mocks once the door is closed.

“Hey, I was trying, okay!” Roman sits on his bed and pats the space next to him.

Virgil joins him and sits hunched over and crisscross.

Roman lets out a little laugh and says, “Your posture is horrible all the time.”

“Hey, we can’t all be Logan.” Virgil laughs with him.

“I suppose not. Speaking of, do you think… are you still up for... you know?”

“I mean, I did say we would, right? I don’t want to go back on my word, no matter how nervous I am.”

Roman takes one of his hands and asks, “Tell me. What’s worrying you exactly?”

Virgil looks at their joined hands and confesses, “I’m just worried they won’t like me back, you know? I mean, why would they? I’m still having a hard time believing you actually do. How am I supposed to believe that  _ two whole other people _ will feel the same? I never even expected one.” He really hopes he doesn’t sound silly.

Roman is silent for a moment before clearing his throat, “Honestly, me too. I know I seem all confident, but I don’t… I’m not... “ He shakes his head before continuing, “Anyway, we took a risk with each other and look how it turned out. Besides, I’m like 90% sure Patton has had a crush on you since the beginning.”

Virgil can’t stop the high-pitched out, “What!” that escapes him. He releases Roman’s hand and playfully shoves him. Roman only laughs in response.  


“Hey! I could say the same about you and Logan.”  


Roman immediately stops laughing and says a little breathless, “No way! You think so?”

Virgil smiles and nods, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I mean, I’m not the best at that kind of stuff, but yeah.”

They’re quiet for a moment. Roman wrings his hands together for a second before breaking the silence, “How do we do it though?”

Virgil shrugs. “I don’t know. Aren’t you the romantic one of us all? Shouldn’t you know?”

“Listen, I may watch a few rom-coms” - Virgil gives him a  _ look _ . - “A  _ lot _ of rom-coms, but that’s fiction! Where it’s set up for an inevitable happy ending. I’ve learned by now you can’t always predict that in real life.”

Virgil groans and flops backwards to lay on the bed. “Yeah, I guess not. I’m too tired for this. Speaking of, how are you so awake?”

Roman moves to lay on his side and Virgil matches his position, so the two are facing each other.

“It’s that Roman Prince charm. Keeps me looking awake and handsome 24/7.”

Virgil honest-to-God giggles. His fatigue must be setting in again and getting to him. Roman’s love-stuck (God, it’s so weird thinking that) expression makes it to where Virgil doesn’t really mind it too much anymore. Roman reaches a hand out and stops it just short of his head. It takes a moment for Virgil’s sleep-addled brain to realize what he wants. He nods and Roman starts running his hand through his hair. He sighs and lets his eyes close.

“You can nap, if you want. I’ll stay.” Roman says, but Virgil’s already well on his way to dreamland.

\---

The second time Virgil finds himself waking up is all on his own. There’s no knocking at any door. There’s just the sound of quiet breathing from him and Roman, who is sprawled next to him with one of his arms resting on Virgil. Virgil can feel himself blushing, not unexpectedly as the sight is  _ very  _ cute coupled with the casual contact while sleeping. It’s a lot for his poor little heart to take. He studies Roman’s face while he sleeps; he looks so peaceful. Virgil feels a little more awake than he did earlier, which he is thankful for. He hopes Roman feels more rested after this too. The moment is too tranquil to disturb, so he resigns to his fate of waiting for Ro to wake up. When Roman shuffles a little closer in his sleep, Virgil decides he doesn’t really mind waiting all that much.

He ends up not having an excuse to stare at Roman’s face for much longer because soon warm brown eyes are opening and meeting his own brown and green ones. It takes a minute for Roman to fully awaken, but then he’s smiling and saying, “I could get used to waking up next to you.”

Virgil blushes and shoves a nearby pillow into Roman’s face. “Lay off the rom-coms, Ro.”

Roman laughs and throws the pillow back at him after sitting up. Virgil stays laying down and picks at a loose thread on the pillowcase.

“I was thinking…” Virgil starts.

“Yes?” Roman encourages.

“Well. About what we were talking about earlier. Maybe we should do it one at a time? Like you said, it worked out with us. You could talk to Logan first, maybe, um, see what he thinks and feels, I guess… And if he is totally against it all and ends up hating us, we can run away together and hide for, like, ever.” 

“I’m touched you want us to run away together, but that won’t happen. Probably. We can totally woo them. How can they resist us?” Roman gives him a signature Roman Smile and Virgil feels the stress weighing his mind down ease a little.

“Right… But just in case. A plan B.”

“Okay, that’s our plan B, then. So I’ll talk to Logan first, and then you, me, and him will talk. And then Patton… we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Oh God, Patton… Virgil was semi-joking about running away, but what if it does go all wrong and he can’t be friends with Patton anymore? He doesn’t know what he’d do without his sunny reassurances and baked goods. A life without those seems so dull. He almost wants to back out of this whole thing, break it all off, and return to being a hermit in his room for the rest of his life. He needs a break from thinking and feeling and  _ existing _ .

“Okay,” he finally says. “I’m gonna go to my room for a bit. Tell the others I’ll be around later.” He needs to de-stress on his own with some music.

Roman nods, somehow so much more understanding than Virgil ever expects. “Sure.”

Virgil gets up and is almost out the door before being stopped by Ro’s voice, “Virgil, when you can’t sleep because of, you know, come to me, okay? I won’t care if it’s late. I want to do it for you, so I can help.”

Virgil nods and says, “I will. And Ro? You should love yourself as much as I love you.”

And then he leaves.

\---

Virgil spends the remainder of the afternoon and part of the evening practically dissociating on his bed, music playing through his headphones. It was exactly what he needed. Head empty, no thoughts, and all. He emerges some time around 7pm. He finds Patton on the couch, reading a book. It seems no one has bothered with setting up the TV yet, and he doesn’t blame them. They’ll do it eventually. There’s no sign of Roman or Logan.

_ Is he doing it now? Surely not so soon? What if- _

“Ah, Virgil! I was beginning to miss you.” Patton interrupts his thoughts.

He smiles and joins Patton. “Hi, Pat. What are you reading?”

“The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.”

“Read to me?”

Patton beams and shifts a little. Virgil scoots closer to him and rests his head on his shoulder. They’re a few pages in when Patton pauses. He hesitates for a moment before asking, “Is everything okay with you and Ro?”

Virgil furrows his brows and says, “Yeah, of course. Why?”

“Just checking, that’s all. If there was anything wrong, though, you would say something, right? I know it’s hard for you to open up sometimes, and I don’t want to push you. I just worry sometimes. I want you to know you can tell me anything. You’re my friend, Virgil, and I love you.” Patton sounds uncertain by the end.

Virgil takes a moment to digest what he said. Should he confess? To either of the things plaguing him? No, he can’t mess up his and Ro’s plan, but the other thing…

His heart starts pounding in his chest at the thought of it. It went fine with Roman and Patton is so, so kind and understanding. Why is he so nervous? Why can’t he just say it? Virgil tugs unconsciously on the sleeves of his sweatshirt. His movements are stopped by Patton’s hand covering one of his.

Patton smiles, but his eyes seem a little sad. “Is there something you wanna tell me?”

“Y-yes.” He manages to stutter out.

_ Just do it. Just do it. Come on! _

“I like you!” He blurts out, just as he sees Roman and Logan entering the living room.

_ Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. That’s _ what his mind decides is easier to confess? What the fuck is wrong with his brain? That’s not what he wanted to say at all.

“You… do?” Patton flounders.

Virgil can only nod. Might as well rip off the whole bandaid. “And… Logan. Roman. But he already knows.”

Roman nods and takes Logan’s hand. “See? I told you.”

Logan is blushing and for once seems at a loss of words. Patton is… Patton is  _ crying _ . Virgil is in instant Panic Mode.

“Patton? Pat, are you okay? What’s wrong?” He says as the other two come over to reassure Patton as well.

Patton is silent for a moment before laughing. It’s wet and a little hoarse, but it’s filled with joy. “I just can’t believe it! I love all you guys so much!” He manages to squeeze all of them in a hug.

Virgil pats his back and almost starts crying himself.  _ Is this real? _

They pull away after a moment. Logan clears his throat and says as evenly as he can, “I think we have a lot to discuss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaah okay here we are lol its like 1am im praying this is actually good hlajhg i hope yall like hows its going so far?? also i am not good at naming chapters hsfdg pls forgive any typos or smth, i try my best lol  
> as always thanks sm for reading!!  
> also also shoutout to the comments yall rlly gave me motivation to keep going !

**Author's Note:**

> ahh idk if ppl will actually be interested in this kind of plot but ??? idk i jst thought it randomly.. and yes i am major projecting on virgil lol scar pain sucks ass, srry if you can relate  
> anyway i think i am planning three, maybe four chapters?? ive started the second already so if anyone is interested it should b up soon ! hope u like!! also i apologize for any typos its late lol


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